My entire life I have had perfect health and eyesight. Well, in one eye anyway.

Then I got old and stuff started breaking and falling off. Just like an old used car.

One day you hop in and tool around town with cold A/C and a crisp clear stereo. The next day you get in and the headliner falls down and covers your face and you have to pin it back up with the toothpicks you have collected from Wayne's Drive Inn. One headlight burns out and the other points strangely to the right and the radio tuner is stuck on AM while the CD player makes a gnawing sound when you try to insert a disc.

First it was the diabetes, then the lower back pain, then the knees that don't work if your hips are lower than your knees. And this was all in one morning last July... Not really but it seemed that way.

A year or so ago I noted that I could no longer see the color of wires under the dash of a vehicle. In all honesty I couldn't actually even see the individual wires at all, only a mish mash of colorful spaghetti. Then I noticed a couple weeks ago that I was having to hold printed material two feet or more away from my eyes in order to be able to see it clearly.

If you couple the "sudden" loss of vision with the diabetes and stir it with an article in the local paper about hemorrhages in the retina caused by diabetes and subsequent irreversible vision loss, you end up with me making an appointment with my ophthalmologist. I did this because when you take away all the secondary reasons to have good sight like reading , driving and aiming a pistol you expose the foundation of good eyesight. Boobs.

I think that would make a great commercial for any eye care product or Ocular Physician, a sea of boobs harnessed by low cut sweaters passing a fixed camera then cut to black or murky, blurry gray with a voiceover that says, "Which would you prefer?".

So with boobs as an incentive I made my appointment for last Tuesday. Monday came and I got a phone call for my Dr's office changing my appointment to some yet to be determined day and time in the future (when they would call me) because the Dr. had suffered a family tragedy (involving his brother as near as I can tell).

I thought about this for a while... appointment = boobs.... no appointment = no boobs. It didn't take more than a couple minutes till I was calling back to see if there was another Dr taking appointment for Tuesday in his office. Yes there was. Score one for boobs.

I drove to Oklahoma City and got to the Dr's office just before my appointment time. I was lead to a dark room and attended to by a technician who did all the mundane stuff that doctors are too busy to do which included putting in the drops to dilate my pupil so the bright light would be even brighter. About 15 minutes after they were sure my pupils were sufficiently paralyzed I was then introduced to "Dr. So And So" who was a woman and it sounded like she was maybe foreign. You see it was pretty dark in there and when it gets dark I don't hear so good. No really, because I can't read lips in the dark. It seem I use a combination of poor hearing and poor lip reading to communicate and with one of those missing I was only sure that the doctor had boobs and she sounded Swedish. I guess the doctor could have been a Finnish transvestite but I don't think so.

After a thorough examination the Dr concluded that the good news was that I had no visual issues that were connected to my diabetes. The bad news on the other hand was that my vision problems were directly connected to my age.  In other words, my headliner fell down and is obscuring my vision. "Get some reading glasses.", was the directive from the Doc.

My next stop during my visit to OKC was to get a picture of a little known addition to the donut family that is sold at a donut shop north of the airport. It is called a Camel Toe donut. It is a cousin to the Bear Claw donut. A Bear Claw had five (sometimes four) "toes" as seen below.

Whereas the elusive Camel Toe looks similar to the next photo.

I had to doctor the original photo to illustrate the Camel Toe donut because by the time I made it across Oklahoma City, seeing only blurs of cars and signs the shop was closed. I attempted to take a photo through the window but my auto focus didn't like the tinted plate glass window and there was no way I could use the manual focus since I couldn't even see the speedometer of my truck. I will get a picture of the real Camel Toe someday.

I left the donut shop and drove back to Lawton with a quick stop at Wally World before home to pick up some reading glasses, a tooth brush and my high blood pressure meds. How old am I that I'm buying reading glasses and high blood pressure meds at the same time?

I couldn't even test the reading glasses since my pupils were still twice normal size. I just picked up the power the Dr. had told me about. I then went to the toothbrush isle. I try finding the proper toothbrush without the ability to focus. I could see the shape of the brush but couldn't tell the difference between the hardness levels. So I found a lady stocking shelves in what smelled like the feminine hygiene isle and ask if she could help me since I couldn't see.

She happily agreed. Well, I think she was happy, at least she didn't shank me or anything. We arrived back at the toothbrush section and she asked what type brush I needed. As usual I never even thought before I spoke and I replied, "I would really like a hard one." After only a slight pause I heard a female voice, coming from a blurry body mid way up the isle, say quietly under her breath, "You're not the only one."

The stock clerk explained that the only options available were soft and medium. I opted for the medium.

So there I stood in Wally World blood pressure meds and reading glasses in hand after being told I can't have a hard one and must settle for a medium. What the hell...

If Andy is 30 then I’m really 50… crap

Ahhhhh… Ice Cream cake. A diabetics dream.

Tanya bought Andy the coolest candle. I think it may have caught Andy by surprise.

No need to dial 911, Andy was able to extinguish the flames.

I think Cooper liked the cake. If you look close you will the see a bruise on his forehead …like father, like son

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find

Well.... This link is where I asked

And low and behold, look what Taylor Swift was doing on Saturday Night Live this weekend.

I'm probably going to hell for using Divine intervention so selfishly... my bad.

Brother Phil's boys:

Wolfman Nick and Captain Cooper America

The University Of Oklahoma, The Pride Of Oklahoma, The Crimson And Cream Machine, beat themselves quite badly last weekend with a little (and I stress the word LITTLE) help from the female reproductive system also known as The University Of Texas.

I actually think if Texas had just sat at midfield and ovulated the outcome would have been the same. Except, Bradford’s shoulder would not have been squished by a large uterus.

My God…  How poorly will they play in the next few games when they won’t be looking across the line at fallopian tubes?

Texas got a win and OU got Chlamydia.

Damnit

This post was shamefully stolen from "The Lost Ogle" . It was so good I couldn't help myself.

When Texas was searching for a "Logo" they settled for this:

Which looks remarkably like this:

Coincidence...???

I think not.

Maren Morris, remember that name.

She and her band played at the 30th annual International Festival here in Lawton on Saturday night.

Even with some issues concerning the sound system you can tell this girl is one to watch.

She isn’t one to put on “airs”. She did her entire hour and a half set in flip flops and shorts.

But if you happen on to her playing at a local club or event you won’t even pay much attention to what she is wearing. You will be focusing all your attention on her vocal ability and the great blend between her vocals and her acoustic Gibson. Her work with the band is not half bad either.

Her song writing is first rate and the blend of country, pop and blues is refreshing. Her true calling though is exposed when she sings a cover of T- Bone Walker's blues standard "Call It Stormy Monday".  This girl is soulful…

Maren, you really should work up some more blues, you are a natural.

Here are a few links to her sites on the net.

Maren's Website

Her My Space

Maren On You Tube

Visit her, encourage her and buy her music.

Which guy?

Well, the guy that sprays black paint on Shakira so it looks like she is wearing clothes.

How else do those pants stay up in the back? Has to be paint... gotta be.  It reminds me of Playboy Femlin that was in most issues of Playboy years ago when I would sneak a peek at the magazine stand at Gilbert Woods Pharmacy in Cache Road Square.

my, my, my... After Shakira's song I didn't even care who won America's Got Talent. Sorry Kevin "Chicken Catcher" Skinner, you were my pick to win but hey... I'm just sayin'.

I wonder if there's any chance of talking Taylor Swift into wearing Shakira's outfit?

I think what I'll do is open two windows. One with the above video, the volume muted, and the following video minimized and the audio playing normal. That is about a close to Taylor in that outfit as we will ever get.

Let's set the scene.

Kanye West: 32 year old man

Taylor Swift:  19 year old girl

Location: MTV Video Awards

Miss Swift wins Best Female Video and is making her acceptance speech and thanking friends and family.

Kanye West struts up and pulls the microphone from her hands and begins complaining that Beyonce who was also nominated for that award has the best video of all times indicating I suppose that Tayor should not have won.

For that Kanye should receive the "Punk Ass Bitch" award.

Too bad we don't run in the same circles, I'd kick his inside the building-sunglasses wearin'-drunk ass.

Note to Toby Keith.... I saw a video of you roughing up a fan in the stands...

Toby, you and  Kanye probably run into each other once in a while. How about you show us how big a man you really are and kick Kanye's ass... that is if you can.... or maybe you could just write a song about how you can kick his ass.... .