I LOVE cheese. I live for Amish Country Colby Cheese. It is the perfect texture, not too dry and crumbly nor too sticky. It has a wonderful full flavor the really enhances the taste of the foods you pare it with.

I once had a mental picture of the Amish milkmaids that toiled in the dairies to produce the milk for my beloved cheese.

Not so much this picture:

More this picture:

A milkmaid with stripper shoes, how great is that?

Alas that was not the case. It appears that there are probably no Amish Country milkmaids involved at all, unless you count Gerald the guy that hooks up the milking machine.

See it appears that maybe they aren't even Amish , it may be that they are just another cog in the giant Hellmart (mercado de diablo) machine.

I don't know if I will eat any kind of cheese again after that little expose. I do know for sure that because of the action of my nephew my account at Hellmart will be tagged "no faux Amish food products".

I also have been jonesing for a real honest to goodness Amish straw hat. You know big flat brim and a black ribbon. I don't know why and don't think it would even look right on a guy that is 6'2" and weighs 280. I would probably look like that guy in the country band Montgomery Gentry, the Montgomery guy.

So I guess I'm actually better off not ever being able to own an Amish hat since Cooper committed battery during recess.

I'm not even going into the whole story of how I wanted "The Heat Surge Roll-n-Glow Electric Fireplace with Amish made real wood mantle. And that it is a quick and easy way to save money on gas bills by heating just the rooms you use the most, have a beautiful real wood mantle handmade by the Amish, the ambience of a real fire, and have the convenience to simply move your fireplace from room to room.

Dang you Cooper for you're proclivity to fisticuffs, I hope you're happy when your Aunt Dream Girl and I are freezing this winter in front of the little spot we had picked out for our own little piece of Amish heat.

Okay so here's the deal.

My nephew Cooper beat up an Amish kid on the first day of school. I assume he is an Amish kid because his name is Eli. I know, I know... how closed minded of me.... whatever... is your kid named Eli? I thought not.

So anyway Cooper is on the playground with his brother when a friend of his brother shows up and starts picking on Cooper, hitting him and slapping at him. Cooper is in Pre-Kindergarten. His brother and brothers friend are in second grade. Cooper took it for a while then he gave the Amish kid some work on his gut. I'm talking lots of body shots.... put that second grader on the ground.

The teachers made Cooper walk the fence line the rest of the recess. Cooper said "I don't care, I don't like recess anyway."

So, it wasn't just his name that lead me to believe that this kid was Amish. I figure any second grader named Eli that lets a kid in Pre-K give him a beat down has got to be Amish.

Just so you don't think Cooper is some over sized bully of a kid there is a picture of him in a post below and here is another picture.

That's Nick on the right and the bully of a monster child Cooper on the left. That smile is just a ploy to draw you into range for the jab.

Cooper you owe me some cheese and a hat....