When Dream Girl got out of surgery she was wearing stockings. You know the kind... the ones that are all legs no panty. The kind where you wear a garter. This concerned me because she wasn't wearing stockings when she went into the hospital. I had heard about doctors sometimes messing with patients when they were asleep. While this does happen occasionally it's usually somewhere in Arkansas and it's usually a Dentist named Burt, and as far as I have heard they almost never provide the abused patient with fancy hosiery.

My fears were put to rest when the nurse explained that they had her hooked up with some support stockings, they call them TED hose. They help to prevent embolisms.

What is an embolism, and why don't you want one:

In medicine, an embolism (plural embolisms) (Greek εμβολισμός occurs when an object (the embolus, plural emboli) (Greek έμβολον, prep. εν+verb βάλλω migrates from one part of the body (through circulation) and causes a blockage (occlusion) of a blood vessel in another part of the body. The term was coined in 1848 by Rudolph Carl Virchow.^[1] This is in contrast with a thrombus, or clot, which forms at the blockage point within a blood vessel and is not carried from somewhere else.

I know, I know... what the..... heck does that mean????

It is kinda like when you make a lake of gravy in your mashed potatoes and the side of the lake crumbles and gravy bursts out and across the plate carrying potatoes straight into your macaroni and cheese. Except instead of ending up with two starches touching you end up dead.

Suffice it to say that embolisms are bad and we don't want them. They are one of the only things that will make you a worse Scrabble player than me.

Anyway.... so the nurse is teaching me how to put on the TED hose. It is not as easy as it sounds because they are really tight. So she is showing me how to put a trash bag on DG's toe and up her leg for the nylon hose to slide on and then your reach through the hole on the bottom of the foot and pull the bag out from under the hose.... cool trick.

Well it's not rocket science and I just jumped right in there and did the other leg like I had been doing it all my life.

Nurse says, "Man your really good at that."

Without skipping a beat and without smiling I look up at her and say, "Sometimes I redress the bodies."

Total and utter silence... she just stared at me....

DG gave me "the look" so I told the nurse, who was still standing there with her mouth open, blinking wide eyed at me, that I was kidding... just a little joke from the funny man....

I don't think she believed me.... somehow it was never her shift again.