Can you spare some ass?
Those of you that have read here before probably already know this about me but I will put it out there again so there is no confusion.
I have no filter. If I think it... I say it...
Many people ponder their silent thoughts and mental gymnastics for a time before sharing them in well formed, pleasingly packaged missives, thoughts or ideas. Not me.
I do a back flip into a "Bobek split"* directly from thought to verbalization. Not the best way to communicate. It is the more honest but probably not the most socially acceptable form of
Me: I wish there was a place a guy could buy some ass.
Dream Girl: Excuse me???
Me: You know get some more ass, buy some ass... my underwear are around my knees and my pants are trying to fall off. I have no ass to keep my drawers up.
Dream Girl: There's something wrong with you. Go get my banana pudding and pull your pants up home boy....
(A "Bobek split" is a descriptive term I came up with after watching figure skater Nicole Bobek leap into the air and descend into the splits, violently slamming her crotch into the ice with such abandon that she actually bounced.... damn girl.... if she had been naked.... never mind... I guess I do have a small filter)