I have always had an issue with excess. If “some” is good then it stands to reason that “more” is better. While that may work sometimes for something like say…  money, when you look at most everything else in life… it just doesn’t work that way. Let’s look back over some instances from my own experience that prove my point.

1966 Elk City, Oklahoma 7 years old – One teaspoon of Vanilla in a batch of cookies heaven. Takin’ a big ol’ swig of vanilla right out of the bottle… Not better… really, really not better.

1967 Yukon, Oklahoma 8 years old – Riding your bike down a hill with one hand to impress your “girlfriend” great. Riding down a hill with no hands… not so great except the road rash scab looked very cool covering my entire forehead the next week at school.

1970 Lawton, Oklahoma 10 years old – If one ex-lax works then three should work better… This one in my experience is actually true but you need to stick fairly close to the bathroom and not wear layers otherwise it’s … well it’s just not better, trust me.

1985 Cache, Oklahoma 26 years old – If one ounce of bug killer per gallon is good, and if one ounce of weed killer per gallon is good, then it only stands to reason that killing the bugs and weeds at the same time by mixing four ounces of weed killer and four ounces of bug killer per gallon and spraying the entire backyard all at once would work really really great. Okay, on the surface this does seem like it might work. It even seems more reasonable after each Fosters is imbibed. By the fourth big 25 ounce can of Fosters it seems like such a remarkable idea you begin to wonder why nobody has patented it already. The next morning in the cold sunlight without the aid of a Fosters it is quite evident why they don't suggest this alternative spraying method on the packaging. The backyard looks like the surface of the moon. Or, as my grandmother would say, it looked like the inside of the warehouse where they filmed the fake moon landing. There was no movement, there was no sound. The grass was dead, there was not one single leaf remaining on the pear trees. There were no spiders, ants, beetles, or even a single fly in the entire fenced area of the backyard. There weren't even any birds flying through the air space above the backyard. The EPA should have been notified. But by the next year it all came back. The bugs, the flies, the grass… all of it growing again as if nothing had ever happened. Even the pears came back although they no longer looked like pears. They were still pear green and rose but they were round and about the size of grapefruit. We never ate them again.

Please take note of the missing years in this general area. While there were instances of excess during this time period it has been determined by those involved and the courts that it was in everyone’s best interest to keep the frequency and nature of those excesses on the “down low”.

2008 Lawton, Oklahoma 49 years old – If a 1.5 cubic foot microwave oven is good then the mother of all microwaves would be freakin’ awesome. Our old microwave had become very slow. It would be faster to heat food by rubbing sticks together… well you could heat fish sticks faster that way. I can only assume the radiation was leaking out somehow and not being concentrated on the food. This would also explain why we can’t keep a plant alive in the kitchen and why sparks fly off the forks when you open the drawer. So I bought a new microwave. I don’t know what size it is. But it will boil water in about 15 seconds and will explode a hotdog in less than that…. I do know that it is bigger than my shower before the remodel. It is so big you can fit the four slice toaster oven inside although I can’t offer this up as a suggested method for making actual toast because I haven’t tried it… yet.