Bali... you know, the bra builders, have a new product on the market. It is called the Concealers® collection. This is the first collection of bras with "revolutionary", Concealing Petals to prevent show-through. To put that into everyday language; they have built a bra that has little petal pads made into the inside of the cup so a woman's nipples don't show.

Why? Who decided this was a problem?

I thought it was part of God's grand plan....

(This is large and bold so you know to read it in a loud, booming God like voice in your head.) "I will build a woman out of Man's rib and I will give her big nipples that will get hard when she is aroused or when she is cold (or to a lesser extent when her bra or shirt rubs her the right wrong way). I will do this because it is man's job to regulate the temperature, but man is too stupid to figure this stuff out without visual aids. Oh.. and she can use them to feed the young children when she's not using them to "get a little" or regulate the surrounding temperature."

The bra manufacturers are messing with the grand plan... Stop It Now Blasphemers...(On a side note.... isn't that one of the signs of the Apocalypse? It's like some body invents nipple pads in bras then the seven seals are opened and then the whole four horsemen arriving thing. That may not be exact but I'm pretty sure I remember it being in there just before the end of the world.)

Bali... Listen to me. Read my lips. There is no problem. I repeat there is NO problem. So stop trying to create a fix for a problem that doesn't exist. Got It?

I searched the Internet and I could not find one single picture of a woman with hard nipples that wasn't smiling. I don't know who did their market research but it must have been a Nun somewhere. The only possible place that I can think of where a woman might not want to "Nip Out" might be in an office setting. But when you think about it there are a couple easy solution at work also...

• HR says no inter-office relationships, so this could be used as an early warning device that either you or your office crush should fill out transfer paperwork or at the very least get the urge out of the way early in the morning when the copy room is empty and then everyone can concentrate on work and not your huge nipples, all pokin' at me, pokin' at me.
• It is really too cold and management should turn the HVAC up.

I'm posting some of the photos I found on the net. And included you will see that I do have examples of the whole happy/nipple phenomena so here ya go....

With the Concealing Petals ... Or maybe she is just unhappy.

Without the Concealing Petals ... Or is she just happy?

 

            

It's not scientific and in order to show a clearer pattern I will need much more data.

Why would you sell clothes displayed on mannequins that have hard nipples and in the same store sell bras that hide hard nipples.... oh.... I remember.... marketing.... And, while we are here talking about it, why are those mannequin nipples hard? Is it cold in the women's department? Or are they making male mannequins anatomically correct now? Nope... they still just have a bump. (No I didn't look, I called the store and asked the clerk to check it out... boy you talk about dead silence on the other end of the phone for a while...)Wait....wait I've got it... I am sooooo hot that when I walk by, even the mannequins become aroused. Yeah....That's the ticket. They are only hard when I'm around. And all this time I thought I only had that affect on DG and Morgan Fairchild.

I... A guy I knew... I heard about a guy that had an old Buick when I he was in high school. He glued the A/C vents all pointing toward the passengers seat. He was a very resourceful  demented kid. The results of his "vehicle modifications" mirrored the Toyota Air Conditioning commercial below.