I make my living talking on the phone. Don't get me wrong, I don't call people and try to sell them something. They call me and I answer questions and then they buy parts from me or bring their car in for maintenance.

I know it's immature and childish but one of the strange things about selling auto parts and service is you have occasion to talk with male and female customers about nuts, female connectors, nipples, male connectors, petcocks and things of that sort. It makes for strange conversations. Especially for anyone hearing only one side.

I didn't name them. I don't know who named them. That is just what they are called.

Yesterday I was on the phone with a customer who needed a bearing kit and a new nut for a spindle.
I said, " I have the bearing kit in stock but I'll need to get my hands on a nut for you."

My wife was sitting next to me reading and overheard my side of the conversation. She thought that was a hoot, and won't soon let me or others forget what she heard.

But.... the all time winner.......

True Story:

Me - Warrens Imports this is Randy may I help you?

Male Caller (with slight speech impediment or drawl) - I need to bring in my wife's vulva.

Ok, right from the beginning I think there is a good chance that someone is messing with me, but I would be wrong.

Me - Excuse me?

Male Caller - I need to bring in my wife's vulva. Its making a rattling noise.

At this point I have lost it. Slid off the chair and am sitting on the floor, tears of silent laughter streaming down my face. I can't laugh out loud. There is no one around I can hand the call to. I'm stuck.

Me - So.... (quiet nostril sneert) what exactly does it sound like.

Male Caller - It sounds kinda like the exhaust but its not coming from the back. It sounds like something is loose under there.

I can't take it anymore. I have got to put this guy on hold.

Me - Can you (sneert) hold just a minute (sneert) let me get a picture and we will try to figure it out what is causing the noise.

Now I'm done, finished.... guy is on hold and I am laughing so hard I can't get my breath. Then I realize I am supposed to be looking for a picture of this guys wife's vulva. There we go.... it has now turned to hysterics. Breathe ...... breathe ..... control .....get control.

Me - (Regaining composure.....) Sir I'm sure if you bring it in we can tighten up what ever is loose and causing the problem.

Then when I thought I was ok, when I thought I had put back on my adult hat.... it was all ruined.

Male Caller - Well you better be able to fix it. I paid $20,000 dollars for this vulva and it needs to be quiet.