Last night I called Lynna and asked her what she wanted to eat for supper. She said that she was planning on eating leftover Mesquite Smoked, Rotisserie Chicken and a salad that I bought for her the day before. I told her that I would just stop and pick up something for myself.

I instantly realized that this was going to be my first chance to try the Jumbo, Juicy Love (69 cent hotdogs) from the Stripes around the corner. I drove my dads new Mercedes into the parking lot, hopped out and built some Juicy Love as fast as I could. I sat them gingerly on the seat of the car, contemplated how I might strap them in with the seat belt but soon gave up and simply forced myself to drive slowly in the breakdown lane so as to not disturb them on the ride home.

(Dad sorry about that smell. From past experience I can tell you that the only way to get the smell of Juicy Love out of a car is to go to Sam's Club and buy one of those 200 count containers of grape bubble gum. Then leave the container open on the front seat for about a week.)

And there they are on the left. Four of the juiciest dogs you have ever seen, on fresh buns with Habanero sauce, onions and sweet pickle relish. Four, count them, four... look at them sitting in those little paper holders of love. Screaming EAT ME, EAT ME, EAT ME, NO EAT ME FIRST......  LET US SHOW YOU OUR JUICY LOVE.

I wanted them so bad but I knew that it would just enhance my enjoyment to put it off for a few minutes all the while just looking at them and enjoying their enticing aroma. So I used the time to feed the puppy dogs. Actually I usually feed the dogs first so they will leave me alone while I eat. It never actually works but it makes me feel better every time just imagining that it might.

It look me about 25 minutes to get their dinner made and get them fed. The whole time dreaming about that Juicy Love. About how good they will taste after I heat them up a bit in the microwave. Which got me to thinking about how it will not actually be "just a bit' but more like two minutes. We have a brokeass microwave oven. You can heat a dish of food faster by holding it over a lit match. I don't know why we don't just buy a new one. A new one that will cook more food in one minute than a 1960's school cafeteria could in an entire day, costs about $12.

I decided to get a picture of the Love to share with all of you, so I gathered up the camera and aimed and fired off a flash shot. You can't tell from the perspective of this shot above but the dog on the far left has already suffered a big bite on the far end. What the...... Who the heck stole a taste of my Juicy Love? I looked at each of the puppy dogs and they were gulping down their rice, boneless skinless shredded chicken breast with carrots between burps. No manners, none at all.... It wasn't one of them. I already knew this because they can't pickup a hotdog out of a tray because, thank God, they have no thumbs. If they had thumbs I would starve to death and couldn't have the remote for the TV even when Lynna is gone.

It wasn't the dogs so who.... I looked toward Lynna and I hear, "Can I have some Jumbo Juicy Love?"

"I thought you were having chicken and salad. But yes by all means have the one with the missing end and while your at it, wipe the relish off your lip.", I said with the a true feeling of loss, tears welling up in my eyes.

"Are you sure your not going to eat it?", she asked with a tone of false concern, mocking my tears.

What I'm I supposed to say now; Yes, I'm a big fat pig that can't get enough of the Jumbo Juicy Love. I would have bought and eaten more but I only had two hands? No, I can't admit the truth so what I said was, "I only bought four because of symmetry. If I had only bought three the second tray would have been unbalanced. Go ahead, I was planning on throwing it out anyway. But do you think I could at least watch as it gives you pleasure and can I maybe take some pictures?"

She said yes. So, I did watch and I did take pictures while my Jumbo Juicy Love was getting warm in the microwave set to two minutes. Can I just take time out here to say she has no morals when it comes to Juicy Love, she ate it cold from start to finish. That is just wrong.

So... I sit down and eat my warmed up Jumbo Juicy Love. Two of them, because that is how many will fit on the tray. If I had heated up both trays at the same time I would have looked like a pig again. The puppies were circling me, standing on their hind feet so they could reach the top of the TV table and pawing at the tray full of Love. But I stayed my course. I didn't share with them, how could I, I was already one Juicy Love short of satisfaction.

Then I noticed that Lynna was wandering around the kitchen, opening the fridge, closing the fridge, wandering... circling, if you will, the last Juicy Love on the counter. I knew she was Jonesin' for it. She's got a monkey on her back, and that monkey is Jumbo Juicy Love. She's had a little taste but that wasn't enough..... she had a need that only more Jumbo Juicy Love can fill. I could have tortured her but I didn't, I knew her dilemma. I've been there, so I said, "Sweetie why don't you eat that other dog?"

"No, that's yours, you eat it.", she said in half hearted protest.

"No, I've had all the Juicy Love I can handle, you eat it." I said.

During the old Tarzan movies, remember the sound of the native, carrying the hunters trunk, being eaten by the piranha? Tearing gnawing and thrashing....