Six o'clock yesterday morning I was sitting in the drive thru at Whataburger waiting on them to finish slaughtering the pig so I could have a Bacon, Egg and Cheese Taquito when I looked up and saw the sign for the gas station next door. They were offering "Icy Hot Monkey Love".

What a quandary. Do I stick around and get a Taquito which now sounds kinda wimpy in comparison. Or do I bail and leave Whataburger Guy holding the Taquito and rush over to see what is going on with this monkey. How can a monkey be icy and hot at the same time? Plus this is not the best part of town to be in that early in the morning when any kind of love is going on at a gas station.

Then I saw "Dreadlock Wearing Can Picking Up Dude" coming around the corner toward the dumpster. That settled it for me. I'm going to stick with the fatback and chicken embryo. The hot monkey stuff would wait.

Dreadlock dude is kinda frightening. He has locks that are about three feet long and he wears a knit beanie that looks like it hasn't been washed in ten or twelve years. He is always smiling and seems to be dance-walking or on some days dance-riding his bike to some Reggae tunes being emitted by the invisible walkman head phones he isn't wearing.

DWCPUDude could win the can collecting marathon at the summer Olympics if only someone would sponsor the event. Maybe Alcoa. I need to give them a call. The participants start on one side of town with only a sack of black lawn and leaf bags. they run to the other side of town collecting cans from trash dumpsters in gutters and creek beds or from the crowds of supporters lining the streets or anywhere else along the route. Then when you arrive at the finish you weigh the bags of aluminum and subtract the weight from your time in some predetermined way and the person with the fastest time wins a DeLorean.

This guy can ride a bike while balancing a giant bag of aluminum cans on the front and back of his bike as well as one on his head. I almost ran him over the other day he was riding in the far right lane and the wind was blowing about 40mph. When he went through the intersection the full force of the wind hit him and his bags broad side and pushed him into my lane. I barely missed him. I slammed on the breaks and swerved to the left and he simply kept on pedaling and bobbing his head to the silent music.

Like I said, I decided to go for the Taquito and as I was sitting in the exit lane waiting for traffic to clear I reached into the bag grabbed my Taquito and began eating there in the truck. Then as I was taking a bite I saw Dreadlock Dude was crossing the street in front of me and he stared at me hard and then kinda winked and smiled.... Then I realized that my Taquito was wrapped in a big honkin’ piece of aluminum foil.