Thipples, Smog And Cadavers
It is 10:00am and the temperature is 21° and I don't like it. For the last hour I have been outside looking for missing keys for a Volvo.
I no longer have nipples. I now have thimbles also known as Thipples. No amount of rubbing has seemed to help... they just won't warm up. They are so hard they actually hurt. I think my nose is running but I'm not sure because I can't feel it.
So any of you ladies out there that have pondered dreamily while reading my posts, "I wonder what this guy really looks like? Is he a "hunk"? Is he "hot"?", just for a minute picture a 48 year old guy balding to the point that if he had a mullet he could only have the party part, with terminally hard thimble sized nipples and chunk of frozen snot stuck to his mustache and that should clear up all of those questions.
I know it's colder other places. I'm not at the other places so they don't count. If you start telling me how cold it is where you live, all I will hear is Charlie Brown's teacher... Wocka, Wocka, Wocka.... I am here and it is cold and I don't like it.... It is supposed to be cold where you live. Deal with it, or move...ok?.... I live in Oklahoma and it is not supposed to be like this.... plus it is in our state constitution that I can bitch about the weather... Article XXIVI. Which follows XXIV subsection (D) that provides Oklahoma residents the inalienable right to travel with a thread bare stained mattress strapped to the roof of their car.
In Oklahoma there is not supposed to be a 40° shift in the high temperature every three days. It must be global warming that keeps making it cold and hot, cold and hot... it needs to stop.
It really isn't the cold that I hate so much, it is the inconsistency. This weekend it is going to be in the sixties, then next Tuesday back to a high in the low thirties. It's crazy.
I have lived in Oklahoma my entire life, well... except for two weeks when we moved to California. We didn't all move to California when Dad got a job with Volkswagen Of America. Dad and all our stuff moved. We stayed with my grandma. The official story was that Dad was going out there to get us settled in and then we would follow and in the interim we would "vacation" at grandma's. I think she just needed some help killing the chickens and I was cheap...... then Dad came back and said we weren't moving to California after all because all the stories were true. The smog in LA was horrible and the people were all nutjobs because they were willing to live in a place where thieves would break into the same house three times in one day until they got everything they wanted. See.... he made the mistake of getting a part time job with a security company at night to kill time.
It took twenty-five years but our crime has started catching up with LA, but at least we still have clean, clear air. I guess the one advantage LA has over Oklahoma is that in La you don't need to worry about a sudden case of Thipples
Side note.... if you want to see what your cadaver is worth click on the image below. It appears that I am valued at $4,500. Just think what a body that is in shape and has hair will go for....
CadaverForSale.com - How much is your cadaver worth?
Bottom Note:
Phillip's wife asked him what he wanted her to buy him for his birthday. With a lecherous grin he said, "Sweetie what I want for my birthday you don't have to buy." To which she replied, "That's OK, I'll buy you something."
I no longer have nipples. I now have thimbles also known as Thipples. No amount of rubbing has seemed to help... they just won't warm up. They are so hard they actually hurt. I think my nose is running but I'm not sure because I can't feel it.
So any of you ladies out there that have pondered dreamily while reading my posts, "I wonder what this guy really looks like? Is he a "hunk"? Is he "hot"?", just for a minute picture a 48 year old guy balding to the point that if he had a mullet he could only have the party part, with terminally hard thimble sized nipples and chunk of frozen snot stuck to his mustache and that should clear up all of those questions.
I know it's colder other places. I'm not at the other places so they don't count. If you start telling me how cold it is where you live, all I will hear is Charlie Brown's teacher... Wocka, Wocka, Wocka.... I am here and it is cold and I don't like it.... It is supposed to be cold where you live. Deal with it, or move...ok?.... I live in Oklahoma and it is not supposed to be like this.... plus it is in our state constitution that I can bitch about the weather... Article XXIVI. Which follows XXIV subsection (D) that provides Oklahoma residents the inalienable right to travel with a thread bare stained mattress strapped to the roof of their car.
In Oklahoma there is not supposed to be a 40° shift in the high temperature every three days. It must be global warming that keeps making it cold and hot, cold and hot... it needs to stop.
It really isn't the cold that I hate so much, it is the inconsistency. This weekend it is going to be in the sixties, then next Tuesday back to a high in the low thirties. It's crazy.
I have lived in Oklahoma my entire life, well... except for two weeks when we moved to California. We didn't all move to California when Dad got a job with Volkswagen Of America. Dad and all our stuff moved. We stayed with my grandma. The official story was that Dad was going out there to get us settled in and then we would follow and in the interim we would "vacation" at grandma's. I think she just needed some help killing the chickens and I was cheap...... then Dad came back and said we weren't moving to California after all because all the stories were true. The smog in LA was horrible and the people were all nutjobs because they were willing to live in a place where thieves would break into the same house three times in one day until they got everything they wanted. See.... he made the mistake of getting a part time job with a security company at night to kill time.
It took twenty-five years but our crime has started catching up with LA, but at least we still have clean, clear air. I guess the one advantage LA has over Oklahoma is that in La you don't need to worry about a sudden case of Thipples
Side note.... if you want to see what your cadaver is worth click on the image below. It appears that I am valued at $4,500. Just think what a body that is in shape and has hair will go for....
CadaverForSale.com - How much is your cadaver worth?
Bottom Note:
Phillip's wife asked him what he wanted her to buy him for his birthday. With a lecherous grin he said, "Sweetie what I want for my birthday you don't have to buy." To which she replied, "That's OK, I'll buy you something."
Trackbacks
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Wednesday, June 04, 2008 6:56 PM
A Quiet Place In My Mind wrote:
(Note that this entry has been a work in progress since Friday night)Well.... it's a freakin winter wonderland outside. But wait... what's that I hear? Thunder.... it is thunder, accompanied by lightening. In February????That's right, it is thundering, lightening, sleeting, raining, slushing, yep it looks like someone poured a Piná Colada Slurpee on the deck outside as I type. It's a full fledged slush thunder storm or Slunderstorm©. It was 82° two days ago. I have lived here for forty-eight years and I guess I will never get acclimated.Rain water pouring over the edges of the gutters along the ... -
Wednesday, June 04, 2008 1:58 PM
A Quiet Place In My Mind wrote:
(Note that this entry has been a work in progress since Friday night)Well.... it's a freakin winter wonderland outside. But wait... what's that I hear? Thunder.... it is thunder, accompanied by lightening. In February????That's right, it is thundering, lightening, sleeting, raining, slushing, yep it looks like someone poured a Piná Colada Slurpee on the deck outside as I type. It's a full fledged slush thunder storm or Slunderstorm©. It was 82° two days ago. I have lived here for forty-eight years and I guess I will never get acclimated.Rain water pouring over the edges of the gutters along the ... -
Monday, February 18, 2008 10:13 PM
A Quiet Place In My Mind wrote:
(Note that this entry has been a work in progress since Friday night)Well.... it's a freakin winter wonderland outside. But wait... what's that I hear? Thunder.... it is thunder, accompanied by lightening. In February????That's right, it is thundering, lightening, sleeting, raining, slushing, yep it looks like someone poured a Piná Colada Slurpee on the deck outside as I type. It's a full fledged slush thunder storm or Slunderstorm©. It was 82° two days ago. I have lived here for forty-eight years and I guess I will never get acclimated.Rain water pouring over the edges of the gutters along the ... -
Monday, February 18, 2008 9:24 PM
A Quiet Place In My Mind wrote:
(Note that this entry has been a work in progress since Friday night)Well.... it's a freakin winter wonderland outside. But wait... what's that I hear? Thunder.... it is thunder, accompanied by lightening. In February????That's right, it is thundering, lightening, sleeting, raining, slushing, yep it looks like someone poured a Piná Colada Slurpee on the deck outside as I type. It's a full fledged slush thunder storm or Slunderstorm©. It was 82° two days ago. I have lived here for forty-eight years and I guess I will never get acclimated.Rain water pouring over the edges of the gutters along the ... -
Monday, February 18, 2008 9:20 PM
A Quiet Place In My Mind wrote:
(Note that this entry has been a work in progress since Friday night)Well.... it's a freakin winter wonderland outside. But wait... what's that I hear? Thunder.... it is thunder, accompanied by lightening. In February????That's right, it is thundering, lightening, sleeting, raining, slushing, yep it looks like someone poured a Piná Colada Slurpee on the deck outside as I type. It's a full fledged slush thunder storm or Slunderstorm©. It was 82° two days ago. I have lived here for forty-eight years and I guess I will never get acclimated.Rain water pouring over the edges of the gutters along the ... -
Monday, February 18, 2008 9:18 PM
A Quiet Place In My Mind wrote:
Rain water pouring over the edges of the gutters along the side of the house and
down the long icicles forming on the underside while the thunder rolls and the
lightening flashes. Next thing you know Garth Brooks will show up to tell me how
Shameless I am for not cleaning my gutters. I know.... I know, i brought it all
on myself. And it is going to happen Every time It Rains.
They say that
Oklahoma wasn't always like this before the whole Global Warming thing. Back in
the day... say 60 years ...
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