• 7 pounds of thighs
• 7 pounds of breasts
• Stalk of celery
• Large onion
• Bag of baby carrots.

Pictured above are the thighs. As this is a "family" blog I have not posted the pictures of the breasts. I will say that the breasts were very large and firm. Normally in one of these packages you will get seven or eight medium size breasts but this package only 5 very large breasts. In the following descriptions simply assume that the breasts received the same attention as the thighs.

Remove thighs from package. I always use a glove. Not because I might get some avian disease, it's because the feeling of chicken skin creeps me out. I would rather touch a dead human than chicken skin... with all its little bumps where the feathers were before they were pulled out by the hand fulls just prior to being held over the burning trash drum to singe off the little "feather hairs"... Oh wait that was a memory from my youth....

My grandma would kill and dress a chicken just because it was Sunday, we didn't even need to be hungry she would do it out of habit. The memory of the first time your grandma picks up a chicken and swings it round and round like it's riding a Ferris wheel and then brings the head down in the metal V formed by the supports of the windmill will stick with you forever. After it has been decapitated, grandma holds on to the feet as the headless chicken blindly flaps its wings and spurts blood from it's open artery's. We had our own little O.J, Simpson crime scene right there on the farm every Sunday, except all the vehicles were parked straight in the driveway, and grandma didn't need no stinkin' knife.

The glove didn't fit so I guess you must acquit. I really need to buy some gloves that fit.

The flapping fingers of the glove reminded me of the chicken skin and grossed me out again while I was writing this post. If it wasn't bad enough that I was a participant in the chicken killing fields, later in life, (when I was 16) I worked for KFC.

At KFC the new guy, me, had to do the dishes. The entire time I was doing dishes the two cooks were having chicken fat fights. They would pull off the big hunks of fat and throw them at each other. There I was washing dishes and... thwack.... chicken fat, right in the back of the head. I hated working at KFC.

So you put the chicken in the pot and then fill with water.

Crank the burner up to high and get that pot to boil. Don't watch it or it will take forever.

After about twenty minutes of a good rolling boil it will get to the greasy - frothy stage. Turn the burner down to about three and let the chicken simmer for about 20 minutes.

While the chicken is simmering take the opportunity to slice up your onion and celery. The onion should be easy to catch but it will give you some sob story that may make you cry. The celery is another story. Celery is very elusive... you may be forced to stalk it....

I use the baby carrots simply because their legs are shorter and they can't run as fast as the big carrots. I really use them because I can use the leftovers for dipping.... and because they are more tender as their cartilage hasn't begun to form bones yet....

Remove the chicken from the pot, leaving broth and add the vegetables to the pot along with some salt and pepper and bring back to a boil. When the pot begins to boil turn the burner down to about four and let it slow boil for about 20 more minutes.

Turn the burner down to two and let the pot simmer. Skim off as much of the nasty fat from on top of the broth as possible.

Remove the skin (eeeggggg, bleeeuuueee, uuughhh, gggaaaggggg) bone and gristle from the chicken. I guess I should say remove the chicken meat from the skin (eeeggggg, bleeeuuueee, uuughhh, gggaaaggggg) bone and gristle, because there is far less chicken meat than anything else. Chop the chicken into bite size pieces and add to the vegetables and broth. Bring to boil and drop spoon fulls of prepared biscuit mix into boiling soup. Boil for 15 minutes and then let simmer for about ten minutes and serve to someone besides me.

As you can see I stopped taking pictures after removing the chicken from the boiling water. That is because I had no free hand to hold the camera, I was so icked out by the cooked chicken skin , that I could only cook with one hand and hold another hand over my mouth like a little girl.

I have chicken issues.

Bon Appétit