Standing out like a sore thumb, or foot in this case, there was this one lady that seemed to be just flittering around. Like a moth to a porch light, only the porch light was other patients. She would flitter up to someone and almost stumble backward a bit like she had gotten too close. I watched her for an hour and thirty minutes. She never stayed more than a few minutes with any one patient. She was having foot trouble and had on one of those open foot shoe things (which could have contributed to her moth like flittering.) By some twist of fate she never approached me. It was either fate or the fact that I was circling the room, in time with her flittering, to stay out of reach.

At around 3:30pm the nurse called out a name that sounded vaguely like Randy Warren, I think it was Beverly Stevens or some such and I strode straight to the front of the room and asked, "Did you just call Randy Warren?". She actually said out loud and in front of everyone. "You wish."

Finally at 4:00pm they called my name. But not to see the doctor mind you, only to get x-rays. And not to get x-rays right then, no, now we are waiting in line to get x-rays. And in line to get x-rays there is a woman going on and on about how she is dreading getting new knees because it will hurt and she just doesn't know why this has to happen to her......whimper whimper waaaaaaa. The entire time I'm thinking, "Good grief woman, your almost 5 feet tall and weigh about 250, your lucky you can even sit up much less stand up. Knees?.... hell they should just replace your hands with forks. (I am usually not this mean but I am tired and a bit cranky. At least I'm keeping my whining to myself.)

I am now hoping Mothra flits into this woman's knees.

4:30 now and have had x-rays and am now sitting back in the (aptly named) waiting room in the only seat available which is at a two chair table with Mothra, and she is talking to me but it makes no sense to me. I'm beginning to think I have had a stroke.

Five minutes into this pseudo conversation I realize she is answering questions I didn't ask, and I know this because I haven't said a single word to her. Someone is asking her questions and I can't hear them. Crap, I have had a stroke. Then I do that crazy person thing. I rationalize with myself that if I am coherent enough to think I had a stroke I probably didn't. Whewwww that was close.

So now I'm checking her out to make sure she is not Borged Out (My wife says that people that use bluetooth ear pieces are Borged Out, and I must admit that once again she is correct.) Anyway.... so I check her for an ear piece and zip, nada, nope. She is just psychotic. Now let me just stop right here and say there is nothing inherently wrong with being psychotic. It just freaks the rest of us out a little. And that is on us.

So I have Mothra, AKA Answer Woman at my table and I notice that people keep going into the "exam" area but nobody comes out and this worries me more than the half moth, half Alex Trebek lady sitting next to me that is now answering questions posed to her by her coffee. If, when they call my name and I go through the door and Mulder and Scully are on the other side I'm taking hostages.

Mothra has flittered off and now an Olivia Newton John impersonator is sitting at my table. She is all glamed up with glitter and that ONJ "Lets get Physical" hairdo. She even has glitter on her crutches. It may have simply transferred there from her clothes but it was there. I wish she would let me take her picture.

I get a cup of complementary coffee so as not to nod off. I would ask Olivia if she wants some but I can't for fear that I will say something like, "Excuse me could I get you some coffee to go with your sugar walls." and then I would remember that Sheena Easton did Sugar Walls and nobody would laugh at my joke because I screwed it up and I would be embarrassed. So better to just move on. I'm starting to get slaphappy.

Mothra/Answer Lady is back and I gave her my seat. I'm sitting behind Mothra and Olivia eavesdropping. Mothra is giving Olivia the same answers she was giving me when I wasn't asking questions. It is now apparent that Mothra goes through life waiting for the right person to ask her the questions that match her answers. When that happens I'm sure she will either become "normal" again or her eyes will roll to the back of her head and she will spin spin round and round on one stationary leg while she wets herself. I now feel like I need to stick around till that happens. I have an investment.

Olivia has now gone to sit in the x-ray line, leaving me to eavesdrop on Answer Lady, answering questions the custodian emptying the trash isn't asking.

Still I have seen no patients leave through the front door and they have a skeleton on the check in desk strung with Christmas lights. People in their right minds do not go to work one morning a say, "Lets string these little white twinkle lights on the bones of a short dead guy."

Now I'm freaking out for sure. Shrunken heads are just around the corner.

An old lady with a tennis ball footed walker just slammed into me. I just barley saved my coffee. Luckily they do knee reconstruction here. It appears I may need it.

About 30 seconds after the heroic coffee save, Mothra says, "No it didn't spill." And I'm behind her. So....Someone I can't hear... asked Answer Lady if my coffee spilt and she looks at me using the eyes in the back of her head and then answers them.

Old guy across from me thinks I am a terrorist because I am carrying a "man bag" and writing tiny words in a tiny 4x5 spiral notebook.

4:54 and I'm actually in the exam room.

5:00 A physicians assistant comes in and says, "Remember me? Oh, probably not you were asleep during the operation."

5:11 "It hurts? Well what did you expect? We had a scope and a bone saw thingie in your shoulder chewing stuff up. Here are some pills come back in a month." says Physicians Assistant with all the professionalism he could muster.

And I'm out of there.... Running out the back door as fast as I can.

The "trip home tail" must wait for another time. Warm ketchup and all.